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As of 4pm today here in California (6pm Texas time), I have gone 24 hours without a cigarette.

I think that might have been the most important sentence I have ever written in my life.

This was planned by me alone for a few months now and no one knew until D-Day, and only Dean knew then. I did not know if I could do it even for an evening or the all important morning after. But here I am over 24 hours after that last one and I am NOT going crazy.

It was 6 years ago the last time I tried and it was the worst pain in my life. Dean sat with me on our bunk bed in a tiny loft apartment during the first year of our relationship as I curled into a ball and cried. But then I tried cold turkey. This time I am using the patch, and whoa does it make a difference!

It takes away all the pain associated with withdraw, because I am still getting nicotine. At this point I am working on breaking the physical addiction of an object between my fingers and the repetitive hand-to-mouth motion. Over the next 8 weeks I will be weened off of nicotine too.

I think now I understand most males obsession with sex; the documented stat that they think about sex every 7 seconds [Although that stat is in debate, it is the best example for this instance]. I forget I stopped smoking and the idea pops into my head, “oh let’s have a cigarette!” followed promptly by, “wait, I quit”. Then I think about something else and a few seconds later the same scenario plays again. Over and over all day long.

It has happened more over the last 24 hours than a whole week prior to quitting, because when I did smoke, I was satisfied for up to an hour before the voice came back. Now there is no satisfaction for the voice, so it won’t shut up. But I hope that over time it will fade, and eventually disappear altogether.

Even though this is a huge boost to my health, there are draw backs. In all likelihood I will gain as much as 15 pounds in quitting as food is often used as a replacement for the hand-to-mouth motion. But since I know this, I have the power to overcome it by stocking the kitchen with very low cal snacks and being aware (NOT dieting) of what and how much I eat so I can moderate intake.

Dean has even offered to do an adult couples hip-hop-esk dance class for exercise because he knows I cannot justify running if there is not a lion behind me =)

I want you all to know the challenge I am taking on so I can have your support on this, and to also ask you not to judge me if I fail. Most people do not succeed on their first try, and I am not special so that rule applies to me as well. If I do fail it is not because I was not strong enough, it would be because I was really not ready to quit.

Many years ago I made a promise to Dean, “I will stop smoking for my wedding present to you”, and I fully intend to give him the gift of growing old together.

We will have a wedding on our 5 year wedding anniversary which will be March 1, 2010 at our home.

Dean I do this for you most of all, I love you.