This is really a question for George to answer since he has first hand experience in this department, but I welcome any other suggestions and comments.
My dad has not made any effort to talk to me for a month. The last I talked to him was at 10am on August 12th, but I want that to change.
I know that none of you think that I should mail the letter I wrote and posted on my blog, but I want to send something to let him know that I still care. I don’t think I can call because I do not think I could control my emotions and I would just break down and show him how much he hurt me. I think he knows, but given the chance to talk to him I think I would make sure he knows, and I don’t think he needs that. He is already in hell and he does not need me to turn up the heat.
So if I write a letter or something, then I can control myself, but I need to know what to say to a man who is damming himself to his own hell.
I thought about just doing a series of letters, one a day, just a quick note. Something to the effect of “I love you because ______ (fill in the blank) and send one every day. Something to let him know I am here and I really do care and miss him. Something that he can look forward to every day.
I don’t expect he will call, or write back ever, but I know he will read it over and over and keep it forever. He thinks he is the last romantic left on earth and that he should have been born in the time knights fought in the honor of their love.
I could write drippy, dopey, emotional stuff, but I don’t know if that would help him. George, you were once were he is today, what can I say to him? What can I do to help?
September 13th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
How about one of your wonderful homemade cards with a simple, non-threatening message of unconditional love. Like “I miss you, Dad. Lots is going on in Dean’s and my world, and I’d love to tell you about it. Let’s talk soon!”
After the divorce and separation from his kids’ mother, Phil kept on patiently writing to oldest daughter Molly for several years of absolutely NO response from her, absolutely no acknowledgement on her part that she even had a father. I would get mad at Molly on Phil’s behalf — or really, mad at the ex for fostering that continued estrangement. But Phil’s loving patience finally paid off. Maybe that’s the only thing that ever does work.
September 14th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Hi Kaston,
I was not able to get back right away … I have been swamped.
It’s a tough thing you have to do and I don’t think there is one particular way to do it. You know your dad best and you know what may get through to him and what won’t.
If it was me I would approach him in little tiny steps. If you wrote a long and involved letter it may overwhelm him. As Mommiet has suggested start with something simple and a card is a great idea and her way of greeting him is perfect. Perhaps send him a few cards over a couple of months. Then include a short note with the card and you can progress from there. The only problem with mail is that you never know if the card/letter is being opened. Perhaps a phone call from time to time will help.
Kaston, I am certainly no expert in how to approach this. It’s great that you are asking for help and ideas but I think it all comes down to the proverbial gut feeling that you have.
In time, your persistence will pay off but be prepared for it to take a while. Don’t give up because that would send the wrong message to your dad.
I wish I could be of more help Kaston.
Have faith.
September 14th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
I agree with the card idea - you should do that
I just read all your blog stuff to catch up - good to hear the UTI cleared up. And if it’s any consolation, I only lost .5 of a pound last week and have been off my diet and binge eating these fucking good ass granola bars and am sick of being on a diet and barely give a shit! 
Me and you should go for walks, it will help us reduce our smoking and we can exercise together. You are beautiful the way you are though! Dean is right 
It’s just nice to be able to fit in to your clothes and feel like you are in some control of your body. In a way I’m kind of glad to see you letting out some of that emotion though - it’s better for your health in the long run. 
BTW - I told the apartment people to fix my fridge and dishwasher like you said - and I noticed you Kastonated my Pantry too, you’re a fucking rock star and don’t let yourself talk yourself in to thinking anything different. You can do anything you put your mind to, just have patience
I LOVE YOU!