http://www.deancode.com/2006/06/15/am-i-selfish/ Wed, 08 Sep 2010 11:08:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 http://www.deancode.com/2006/06/15/am-i-selfish/comment-page-1/#comment-61 Mommiet Fri, 16 Jun 2006 14:38:39 +0000 http://www.deancode.com/2006/06/15/am-i-selfish/#comment-61 Nope. Doesn't sound selfish to me. Sounds like an issue that's common to many, many, MANY couples. And it's not so much because one partner has a malicious intent to burden the other with too much of the household chores. It's more because one partner just doesn't see why some things need to be done, and is not bothered by the clutter and dirt -- when the other is REALLY bothered by it. This is something I've wrestled with for years. Phil is very good at doing way more than his share of the cooking and laundry. And if I start to clean, he'll pitch in and help. But it's rare that he will take on any cleaning on his own initiative, like notice that a toilet could use scrubbing. I would have to let something get WAY more gross than I'm willing to see, before it becomes noticeable to Phil. So in part, my approach has been to ask for help when I need it -- and to also realize that if my preferences for level of cleanliness or frequency of vacuuming and dusting are higher than Phil's, then those are MY preferences. So I look at that higher level or frequency of cleaning as something that I choose to do for my own benefit, so I can enjoy the result. Of course with your super-stressful and busy summer, you need more help to maintain even a minimum level of acceptable neatness and cleanliness. I'd recommend just asking Dean for that extra help, and reminding yourself that it's dirt-blindness and mess-blindness, not laziness or lack of consideration for you, that accounts for his not pitching in on his own initiative. Nope. Doesn’t sound selfish to me. Sounds like an issue that’s common to many, many, MANY couples. And it’s not so much because one partner has a malicious intent to burden the other with too much of the household chores. It’s more because one partner just doesn’t see why some things need to be done, and is not bothered by the clutter and dirt — when the other is REALLY bothered by it. This is something I’ve wrestled with for years. Phil is very good at doing way more than his share of the cooking and laundry. And if I start to clean, he’ll pitch in and help. But it’s rare that he will take on any cleaning on his own initiative, like notice that a toilet could use scrubbing. I would have to let something get WAY more gross than I’m willing to see, before it becomes noticeable to Phil. So in part, my approach has been to ask for help when I need it — and to also realize that if my preferences for level of cleanliness or frequency of vacuuming and dusting are higher than Phil’s, then those are MY preferences. So I look at that higher level or frequency of cleaning as something that I choose to do for my own benefit, so I can enjoy the result. Of course with your super-stressful and busy summer, you need more help to maintain even a minimum level of acceptable neatness and cleanliness. I’d recommend just asking Dean for that extra help, and reminding yourself that it’s dirt-blindness and mess-blindness, not laziness or lack of consideration for you, that accounts for his not pitching in on his own initiative.

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